Keeping my faith......it's all going to be ok!

Grieving, grieving and more grieving....

I have become an expert in loss this past year.

Depression happens when you can't see the future anymore. That about sums it up.

It all began with super storm sandy in October 2012. Our family house for 50 years got destroyed. Gone are the future family vacations at 3305 Seaview in OBIII. The situation of resolving the asset and my mom's inheritance has left my brother, Craig, and myself in a very difficult brother/sister relationship.

My boyfriend, Steve, lost interest in our 4 year relationship in November 2012 and left me broken hearted with a nervous breakdown. After evasive conversations and messages we finally put an end to our friendship in April 2013 after a 4-day trip to Michigan.

In May, my losses took another major hit when my cousin Ron suddenly passed away.  He was like a brother to me and we talked weekly about our lives, families, raising kids and planning summer vacations together at Ocean Beach.

I was looking forward to taking the trip of a lifetime to Europe in June 2013: London, Paris and Adelboden!  But in the end one of my close friends that I traveled with must have decided that our friendship was expendable and we haven't talked since, so good bye Kassie.

My independent and successful son, Mike, moved out of my house over the summer of 2013. It was actually a growing for both of us, but I can't remember my life without my son by my side and seeing him daily.

Our little doggie, Sasha, was 20 years old and passed of congestive heart failure in September 2013.

One day later my best friend Carolyn had a stroke and an aneurism exploded in her brain.  I had been planning on attending my 40th HS reunion and visiting my mom in NJ that week. She passed away and was buried with services before I returned a week later.

 

Gods' plan in my life must be pretty big because I can't imagine why I have to lose so much in the past year.  But I will stand alone and in faith that something good is coming my way. The old is surely washing away, but I have to admit I continue to have a difficult time seeing my future.

There are plenty of holes in my heart to fill. I have to start loving myself again soon.

 

Watercolors Fall 2013

Still Life: Tea & Orange

Still Life: Crochet hooks and Yarn

 

 

Landscape: Big Bear

Yarnbombing my Jacaranda Tree 2013

 

I dreamed of yarnbombing my Jacaranda tree and made it turn into a reality this year....

 

 

 

Yarn Bomb Chair May 2013

2013 San Diego County Fair Entry:

Name of Piece:	Yarn Bomb Chair
History:	This old, orphaned dining room chair was found abandoned at an estate sale. It was of no value to the people and they gave me the chair.
Work Completed:	The first thing that needed to be done was to clean up the chair and tighten up the legs. After that I proceeded to evaluate the different parts of the chair and imagine what colors, fibers, textures and designs I could use to transform the chair into a piece of whimsy and decoration. I started on the legs and the cushion and eventually focused on the caning on the back of the chair.  I tried to weave yarn into the caning and create a pattern. This was unsuccessful and I decided to try to make two different pieces to cover the front and back of the chair back.  Stitching and attaching all the different sections and pieces was the most exciting part. The final piece has achieved everything that I wanted; the chair is both functional and whimsical.
Challenges:	The challenges that I met were that this is the first piece I have ever attempted to yarn bomb and I had no experience. Primarily, I wanted to accomplish a balanced finished piece that used different color & textures of yarns. I also wanted this piece to be completely functional after I recovered it.

GHOST LEAVES

 

 

 

It's a scary thing to try to wake the dead. These wisps of leaves are left behind on the birch trees in the forest and only last until the new buds of spring push them off the skeleton branches that are left from the winter days. I felt like this talking to Lefty Blue last weekend. The forest was peaceful, sunny and full of the promise of spring with buds appearing on all the trees. These little paper thin white leaves were fluttering in the breeze like butterfly wings. They were beautiful but I knew they were only there for a short while more.

 

Hartwick Pines State Park, Michigan (4/27/13)

It was too much to ask….

Is it too much to ask
I want a comfortable bed that won't hurt my back
Food to fill me up
And warm clothes and all that stuff
Shouldn't I have this
Shouldn't I have this
Shouldn't I have all of this, and

Passionate kisses
Passionate kisses, whoa oh oh
Passionate kisses from you

Is it too much to demand
I want a full house and a rock and roll band
Pens that won't run out of ink
And cool quiet and time to think
Shouldn't I have this
Shouldn't I have this
Shouldn't I have all of this, and

Passionate kisses
Passionate kisses, whoa oh oh
Passionate kisses from you

Do I want too much
Am I going overboard to want that touch
I shout it out to the night
"Give me what I deserve, 'cause it's my right"
Shouldn't I have this (shouldn't I)
Shouldn't I have this (shouldn't I)
Shouldn't I have all of this, and

Passionate kisses
Passionate kisses, whoa oh oh
Passionate kisses from you
Passionate kisses
Passionate kisses, whoa oh oh
Passionate kisses from you

4/29/13

Weeping Willow

Well I taught that weeping willow how to cry cry cry,
Taught the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky.
Tears I cried for that (wo)man are gonna flood you big river,
And I’m a gonna sit right here until I die.

Big River at Frankenmuth, Michigan 4/27/13

Being Single 2013

Wow, I thought I was the happiest, in-love person in the world last year. Well it turns out that ended. Something went wrong and now I am on a new path of self-discovery.

Some of the things that I have learned:

• God stands with me unconditionally
• My friends are just that, they are not psychotherapists, and can only offer support
• My family loves me; but can't fix a broken heart
• It will take me a long time to figure myself out again and I don't know if I will ever trust myself or anyone else again

I have gone through withdrawal, irrational thinking, negative thinking, therapy, loneliness, tears and now finally, I am starting to heal.....a little.

I have beat myself up and down until I was black and blue and my eyes were red and swollen. Now I actually have a few hours a day when I don't randomly think about it.

I thought I was doing good, but I was not. This world is a scary place.

If you read this please stop a minute and say a prayer for me. 

Love, Peace & Blessings Always, Jody

I smile.....I laugh

Crochet Socks

To make socks start with even Stitches forming a foundation row that almost disappears

    after you Chain one,Turn and continue on

The pattern tells you to change color or stitch, increase and decrease to get the fit

Sometimes you mess up the pattern but keep going

Other times you frog the mistake because it just doesn't please you

Working both at the same time helps to keep them symmetrical and a pair

Is crafting socks like raising kids?

I’m stitching with the pattern I memorized from my parents and sometimes I’ve had to make adjustments.

I am not a professional sock maker and my memory fails me a lot

Socks will keep me warm, make me smile when done and are a good project to tackle

I think so. I like socks. I love my kids.